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Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts

Sex, Politics, Religion, and Halloween ... by C.L. Beck


Photo used with permission from Blogsvertise.com and HalloweenMart.com.


According to my astute and very precise calculations, we have exactly 238 days until Halloween.

Oh, all right, so I didn't calculate it myself because that would've involved math in one of its stupefying forms. Such as addition, or maybe subtraction. It's hard to say which.

Instead of taxing what little is left of my brain, I searched online to find it. No, not my brain; to find the number of days until Halloween. And since this blog is actually hosted by Google, we'll say that Google was my search engine.

It's not a lie ... it's pretend. Sorta like what the politicians are doing in this election year. Pretending to be real earthlings when, in actuality, most of them are from planet Tell-A-Whopper.

But, I didn't come here today to discuss politics. I'm a firm believer that there are three things you never discuss with friends:

1. Sex - because that would be downright embarrassing, especially if my folks were to read this article.
2. Politics - because people kill each other over it.
3. Religion - because people kill each other over it. Hey, that's the same as #2! Why don't we just make politics a religion and shorten the list?

After crossing off those three, apparently all that's left is talking about Halloween. Yes, I know it's a little early for Halloween, but I have a point here. If I can remember it.

Nope, I've lost it in my post-lunch stupor. Really, I did not intend to eat a cinnamon roll and a slice of poppy seed bread for lunch. It was just that they called out to me, and I did eat.

Now, where was I? Oh yes. My post-lunch sugar high reminded me mightily of Halloween. Plus, while searching for an image in my computer recently I ran across several pictures of myself in Halloween attire, thereby causing me to ponder the fall/winter holidays.

Add to that the fact I was offered an assignment paying moolah, pesos, pennies ... wait a minute, the money is getting smaller by the minute here ... to post links to HalloweenMart.com, a site that carries fun Halloween costumes. Yup, they have pages and pages of both "Kids Halloween Costumes," and "Adult Halloween Costumes."

It was all just too much for a mere mortal such as myself. (She says with a sigh, while placing back of hand to forehead.)

And if hearing there are only 238 days left to make that momentous decision about Halloween costumes isn't nerve-wracking enough, here are a few more frazzling thoughts.

Only 260 days until Thanksgiving.

Only 293 days until Christmas.

All of which reminds me that it's time to start saving my money in advance for the holidays. Or to go take a Prozac and lie down with a cool cloth on my head. I'm not sure which.
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(Disclosure: This is a paid blog article for Blogsvertise and HalloweenMart.com. However, my opinions of the sites, events, of the companies involved, or the quality of the products mentioned are my own. For more disclosure information, please read the disclosure page.)

"Sex, Politics, Religion, and Halloween" © C.L. (Cindy Lynn) Beck
Tags: Halloween, costumes, Halloween costumes, holidays



The Bodies in the Basement ... by C.L. Beck

Photo © Knutux, Wikimedia Commons


With Halloween so close, it's only fitting that today's post consist of something with a bit of suspense, and so I give you  ...

The Bodies in the Basement 
(Complete with scary organ music and screams in the distance.)

Kat Nilsson wrote the words, "I was watching CSI Miami," in big loopy letters on the legal pad in her lap. Then, since she had writer's block, she doodled in the loops.

After a few minutes of wasted time, Kat scratched her head with the point of her yellow pencil and sighed. "No. That's not right. I can't start a novel out that way. I hate CSI. Can't stand those women with whitened teeth, brightened faces, and over-tightened blouses." Kat erased the words with a vengeance, as if erasing the facial features of the botoxed movie stars.

She started again. "Stacy heard a knock at the door, and just as she went to answer—"

As Kat wrote those words, a deep thump, thump, thump reverberated through the house. With a sigh big enough to sink a battleship, Kat threw the pencil into a mug of assorted pens and walked to the front room to see who was knocking.

The wind whistled as she opened the heavy, wooden door, and a chill ran between her shoulder blades. No one stood there. Not a living soul. Attached to the door by a feathered dart was an off-white sheet of paper, with dark, thick handwriting.

It read:

Kat,
If you find the dog, call me.
PS: The bodies are in the basement.


"The basement?" she whispered. Kat shuddered and tugged her bedraggled University of Wyoming sweatshirt tight around her body. There was a basement in her house. An old basement with a cold, concrete floor—a room she never, ever, ever went into because ... well ... anyone who writes murder mysteries knows that something horrifying always happens in the basement.

Scanning the bottom of the note and then turning the paper over, Kat looked for a clue as to who wrote it. No signature, not even a grimy thumbprint to give a hint.

That's when she heard it—a thin, high-pitched, forlorn howl from under the house. For one illogical second her heart rocketed with fear and she thought about screaming and running to the neighbors. But then, her writer's curiosity kicked in. Who left the note and why did they put a dog in the basement? How did they know about the basement? Who, what, when, where, how and why?

She counted friends on her fingers. Josi? No, she didn't own a dog. Nichole? Yes, Nichole was a jokester all right, but also allergic to anything with fur, including....

Like a good Catholic girl, Kat crossed herself for luck. She might be allergic to aspen and eucalyptus, but at least she wasn't allergic to mink, like Nichole.

Bulldog, Rex, or Nipsey? Goodness knows their names were doggy enough, but no, they were all too tenderhearted to shove a dog in a basement in order to scare a writer wordless.

It had to be a practical joke, pulled by the neighbor-kid-from-hell, who was always throwing tomatoes at her car when he thought she wasn't looking. Yup, that had to be it. When she got the dog out of there, she was going to have a long talk with that boy's parents.

Hitching up her sweatpants, she closed the door behind her and walked around the redwood-sided house to the back yard. Autumn leaves crunched under her Big Bird slippers and she realized that they might be a lucky charm when writing, but they wouldn't do much to protect her against earwigs, black widow spiders, and uggg ... stink bugs ... that might be in the basement. But it was too late now; her feet took her down the concrete steps as if they had a mind of their own.

Ssshhh. What was that?

A rustling noise, like a lady's crisp, crinoline underskirt, drifted to Kat's ears. And then, silence. Certain that she'd psyched herself out, Kat took a deep breath and with one hand on the rust-encrusted doorknob, listened again.

Not a sound.

No dog howling, no skirts rustling.

Nothing.

Feeling weak in the knees, and even weaker in the head, she turned the knob and pushed the door. Its hinges squeaked. Dang. She hadn't done it hard enough, and now she'd have to step inside, in that dark, damp, hole-in-the-ground and push the door all the way open with her shoulder. Why hadn't she thought to bring a flashlight?

Kat stepped over the doorjamb and shoved. The door slowly inched back, but it was almost as if light feared entering the room. Darkness reigned, and the tiny shaft of brightness that had the courage to shine against the door slowly dimmed as clouds obscured the sun.

That's when she heard it—an otherworldly moan. And she could make out two bodies, lying on the floor, legs bent at sharp angles, tongues hanging out. A shriek caught in her throat. She wanted to whirl and run but her legs refused to obey.

The shapes unkinked their legs, rose up in front of her, and Kat screamed—a wordless, soundless scream.

"Surprise!" shouted the two bodies as they flicked on flashlights. Hoots of laughter and a chorus of happy birthdays erupted from around the room. They were all there, Josi, Nichole, Bulldog, Rex and Nipsey. And Kat wanted to kill every one of them.

If it wasn't for Bulldog handing her a puppy that kissed her cheek and snuggled against her shoulder, she would have done it. But then, how mad could she really be, when they'd braved the basement in order to throw a surprise party?

"The puppy's your present from all of us," Bulldog said. "Any author who writes about murder needs a dog to curl up with and to protect her from the gaboogities at night."

The puppy nuzzled Kat's neck, and her heart rate slowly returned to normal. Josi leaned over and stroked the dog's soft fur. "What are you going to call her?"

Kat's eyes twinkled, "After the scare you've all given me, I'm going to name her Heart Attack."

And with that, the puppy pointed her nose in the air and gave a howl of agreement.


(Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real persons—living or dead—is purely coincidental.  The dog represented in this fictional story is not based on Lassie, Benji, or any other dog of public fame. (And sshhh, don't tell anyone, but you can view a striking likeness of the author's main character by clicking here and the dog in the story does bear an uncanny resemblance to Corky Porky Pie, the author's Welsh Corgi.)

------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------

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The Bodies Are in the Basement

Posted by my alter ego—that more serious, but still sometimes slightly humorous writer—Cindy Beck.


Photo by Cesar Tort, Wikimedia Commons


Kat Nilsson wrote the words, “I was watching CSI Miami,” in big loopy letters on the legal pad in her lap. Then, since she had writer’s block, she doodled in the loops. After a few minutes of wasted time, Kat scratched her head with the point of her yellow pencil and sighed.

“No. That’s not right. I can’t start a novel out that way. I hate CSI. Can’t stand those women with whitened teeth, brightened faces, and over-tightened blouses.” Kat erased the words with a vengeance, as if erasing the facial features of the botoxed movie stars.

She started again. “Stacy heard a knock at the door, and just as she went to answer—”

As Kat wrote the words, a deep thump, thump, thump reverberated through the house. With a sigh big enough to sink a battleship, Kat threw the pencil into a mug of assorted pens and walked to the front room to see who was knocking.

The wind whistled as she opened the heavy, wooden door, and a chill ran between her shoulder blades. No one stood there. Not a living soul. Attached to the door by a feathered dart was an off-white sheet of paper, with dark, thick handwriting.

It read:
Kat,
If you find the dog, call me.
P.S: The bodies are in the basement.


“The basement?” she whispered. Kat shuddered and tugged her bedraggled University of Utah sweatshirt tight around her body. There was a basement in her house. An old basement with a cold, concrete floor—a room she never, ever, ever went into because … well … anyone who writes murder mysteries knows that something horrifying always happens in the basement.

Scanning the bottom of the note and then turning the paper over, Kat looked for a clue as to who wrote it. No signature, not even a grimy thumbprint to give a hint.

That’s when she heard it—a thin, high-pitched, forlorn howl from under the house. For one illogical second her heart rocketed with fear and she thought about screaming and running to the neighbors. But then, her writer’s curiosity kicked in. Who left the note and why did they put a dog in the basement? How did they know about the basement? Who, what, when, where, how and why?

She counted friends on her fingers. Josi? No, she didn’t own a dog. Nichole? Yes, Nichole was a jokester all right, but also allergic to anything with fur, including.…

Like a good Catholic girl, Kat crossed herself for luck. She might be allergic to aspen and eucalyptus, but at least she wasn’t allergic to mink, like Nichole.

Bulldog, Rex, or Nipsey? Goodness knows their names were doggy enough, but no, they were all too tenderhearted to shove a dog in a basement in order to scare a writer wordless.

It had to be a practical joke, pulled by the neighbor-kid-from-hell, who was always throwing tomatoes at her car when he thought she wasn’t looking. Yup, that had to be it. When she got the dog out of there, she was going to have a long talk with that boy’s parents.

Hitching up her sweatpants, she closed the door behind her and walked around the redwood-sided house to the back yard. Dried leaves crunched under her Big Bird slippers and she realized that they might be a lucky charm when writing, but they wouldn’t do much to protect her against earwigs, black widow spiders, and uggg … stink bugs … that might be in the basement. But it was too late now; her feet took her down the concrete steps as if they had a mind of their own.

Ssshhh. What was that?

A rustling noise, like a lady’s crisp, crinoline underskirt, drifted to Kat's ears. And then, silence. Certain that she’d psyched herself out, Kat took a deep breath and with one hand on the rust-encrusted doorknob, listened again.

Not a sound.

No dog howling, no skirts rustling.

Nothing.

Feeling weak in the knees, and even weaker in the head, she turned the knob and pushed the door. Its hinges squeaked. Dang. She hadn’t done it hard enough, and now she’d have to step inside, in that dark, damp, hole-in-the-ground and push the door all the way open with her shoulder. Why hadn’t she thought to bring a flashlight?

Kat stepped over the doorjamb and shoved. The door slowly inched back, but it was almost as if light feared entering the room. Darkness reigned, and the tiny shaft of brightness that had the courage to shine against the door slowly dimmed as clouds obscured the sun.

That’s when she heard it—an otherworldly moan. And she could make out two bodies, lying on the floor, legs bent at sharp angles, tongues hanging out. A shriek caught in her throat. She wanted to whirl and run but her legs refused to obey.

The shapes unkinked their legs, rose up in front of her, and Kat screamed—a wordless, soundless scream.

"Surprise!" shouted the two bodies as they flicked on flashlights. Hoots of laughter and a chorus of happy birthdays erupted from around the room. They were all there, Josi, Nichole, Bulldog, Rex and Nipsey. And Kat wanted to kill every one of them.

If it wasn’t for Bulldog handing her a puppy that kissed her cheek and snuggled against her shoulder, she would have done it. But then, how mad could she really be, when they’d braved the basement in order to throw a surprise party?

“The puppy’s your present from all of us,” Bulldog said. “Any author who writes about murder needs a dog to curl up with and to protect her from the gaboogities at night.”

The puppy nuzzled Kat's neck, and her heart rate slowly returned to normal. Josi leaned over and stroked the dog’s sleek fur. “What are you going to call her?”

Kat’s eyes twinkled, “After the scare you've all given me, I'm going to name her Heart Attack."

And with that, the puppy pointed her nose in the air and gave a howl of agreement.


What's playing in my head (be sure to click on the link, 'cuz it's cute): The Puppy Song by Harry Nilsson (no relation to the character in this story).

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CONTEST WINNERS (last week)


Sande! Congrats, Sande, you've won an autographed copy of Aunt Rae's Remedies. Please send me your mailing address in an email: cindybeck(dot)author(at)yahoo(dot)com.


CONTEST (this week) In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness

Prize: Autographed copy of Cup of Comfort for Breast Cancer Survivors.

Description from Cup of Comfort Website: If stories are medicine, then this collection will help keep hopes up and spirits alive on the road to recovery. Readers will applaud the bravery of 50 exceptional survivors as they tell their unique experiences with breast cancer. Every breast cancer survivor has a different story, but they all have one thing in common: courage. From dealing with diagnosis to undergoing chemotherapy, facing hair loss and possibly the loss of a breast, these fearless women undergo more than anyone ever should. These stories pay tribute to these women and their battles, and celebrate their victories. In this stunning new collection, readers will find compelling, inspiring, and uplifting personal essays about the experiences and emotions of living with—and after—breast cancer. $.50 of every copy sold will be donated to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®

Cindy's Note: Included in the book is "Dancing in the Moonlight." Written by me, it's the heartwarming story about me and my mom during her diagnosis and surgery for breast cancer.

How to Win: Leave a comment on this blog entry by midnight Friday, Oct 16, 2009. It's as simple as that! If you don't have anyone to give it to who is a breast cancer survivor (that's assuming you win), let me know that in your comments and I'll donate the book to a local library instead. And you'll have done your part for breast cancer!

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Uncle Earl and Aunt Earline ... and Contest Info!

October is one of my favorite months. Why? Because it not only contains Halloween, but also my birthday. Wahoo, birthday cake and ice cream one minute, and Halloween candy the next.

In honor of that, I thought I'd post an original (as in, "written by me") story every Monday in October. And just for the fun of it, I'll leave it up to you to figure out which ones might have a grain of truth and which ones are spun from the cobwebby recesses of my mind.

So, here without further adieu (or is that spelled "a-doo"?) is the first story ...

Uncle Earl and Aunt Earline
© CL Beck, 2009



“This here porch is a solid as a hickory nut shell,” Pappy said as he leaned against the porch rail. It broke with a crack, flinging him into the mud. His jug of moonshine flew towards the ol’ pine tree and nestled into the deep, green branches. It startled Mammy so much that she squealed. It reminded me of what a pig might do what’s just heard her sister’s been turned into a hunderd pounds of breakfast sausage.

And then the Internal Revnoovers showed up.

Lucky for us, Pappy had shut the still down a couple days before, so there warn't no way for them to find it. And the only jug of white lightening on the place was up in that big Georgia pine. I suppose it could be that in lack of thet thar evidence, the Revnoovers decided not to follow through. Or it could be Mammy’s double-barreled shotgun staring ‘em in the face that persuaded ‘em.

Ya see, that’s why the front porch is my favo-rite-ist place in the whole wide world. Ever thing that’s interesting happens out on the thet front porch.

And ever thing that’s nice happens on thet porch, too. Like getting my first kiss, in the dark, from Dixie Lou.

She said, “I’ll give ya a kiss, if’n you promise not to tell.”

I answered, “Cross my heart, hope to die, may the Revnoovers stick a needle in my eye.” I puckered up and she gave me a kiss that kinda made my toes tingle. I didn’t tell a soul, and two days later my best friends, Beau and Billy, told me Dixie Lou had been kissing on ever boy in Soggy Hollow. It didn’t make no never mind to me. I knew she loved me best. After all, she is my cousin.

But I gotta say that the most excitin’ time was when we were sitting out thar at sunset, listening to Uncle Earl singing and playing the banjo. He stopped smack-dab in the middle of singing “Picking up paw-paws,” and said, “I don’t feel like a whole man, no how anymore, and never did, so I’m gonna start being a woman.”

Mammy choked and liked to swallered her corncob pipe. Uncle Earl was her favorite brother. I guessed if he went through with it, that would make him her favorite sister. And my Aunt Earline.

A feller’s just gotta love the front porch. Like I said, ever thing that’s interesting or exciting happens thar.


What's playing in my head: Dueling Banjos by Steve Martin and the Muppets.

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CONTEST WINNERS (last week)

Rachelle Christensen (won Writing the Great American Romance Novel)
Carol L (won It's Just My Nature)

CONTEST (this week)
Prize: Autographed copy of Aunt Rae's Remedies.
Description: This is a fun book of home remedies and here's a blurb from the book: "Meet Aunt Rae--a modern combination of Granny Clampett and Martha Stewart. In this collection of home remedies and household hints, Aunt Rae will keep you laughing as you learn new ways to keep a cleaner house, become self-sufficient and be a healthier person ... Filled with true-life happenings and humorous stories, Aunt Rae's Remedies is a fun and useful book that will make your life easier."
How to Win: Leave a comment on this blog entry by midnight Friday, Oct 9, 2009. It's as simple as pie! (By the way, I get a laugh out of this book every time I read it, and it really does have some helpful home remedies.)

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Just Having Fun ... A Halloween PhotoCard

By C.L. Beck

It's rainy and dreary out. What's a body to do? I could always go eat cookies, but since that's not good for the waistline (yes, believe it or not, I once had a waistline), I decided to go play at my Zazzle store.

My husband, Russ, took this shot of a black cat with a pumpkin body and it made a dang cute Halloween photocard! (In my opinion :)

I thought I'd share it with you because ... well ... Halloween is coming. And I'm tickled with the card because it's so cute. Even Corky Porky Pie, the dog, thinks so.

Not to turn this into an advertisement, but if you want to order a few, they're a really good buy at 10 for $10.00, with envelopes included. That's a dollar apiece and you can't beat that price in a recession, huh?

I'm going back out now to make matching postage. How cool is that?

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Writer's Block

By C. L. Beck
© 2008


The willowy blonde sat in her Big Bird jammies, a chocolate cupcake in one hand.

Putting my pencil between my teeth, I re-read the words I'd written and then erased them. Next I drew a tulip with eyes, a nose and a goatee … and then my mind wandered.

“Writers are a superstitious lot,” I announced.

“Ummm,” my husband, Russ, replied. I wondered if that meant he was listening or he liked the looks of the donut sitting on my desk.

“I’m not superstitious, though,” I continued. “LDS authors never are.” I looked at my pencil. No wonder my writing was going nowhere; I wasn’t using my Scooby Doo pencil.

After searching for it for ten minutes, I gave up and pulled out my rabbit’s foot. Attaching it to my lucky pen, I started again.

She sat in her Big Bird jammies, a Twinkie in one hand.

I opened the Wite-Out and covered what I'd written. I didn’t have writer’s block, I was just … not getting any good ideas. My mind wandered again.

Is Wite-Out indelible? I wondered. If not, maybe I could use it for Halloween make-up in the fall. Just to test it, I painted a thin, white mustache on my upper lip and was putting the finishing curves on when…

“Are you having fun?” Russ asked, tapping me on the shoulder from behind.

I spun around in my chair, frantically trying to rub it off before Russ could see it. Who would’ve guessed that Wite-Out could dry so fast?

“Just thought I’d get prepared for the ward Halloween party,” I said, rubbing my lip to no avail.

“You’re painting your face for Halloween in the summer?” Russ raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure you aren’t having a problem of some kind?”

I sighed. “You’re right. I’m really, really blocked.”

Russ patted my shoulder. “Maybe you should eat more fruit. Prunes ought to do it.”

Apparently Russ thinks he’s a comedian. Despite that fact, I started thinking … no, not about prunes, but about being blocked. “Do you think every profession has its own form of blockage?”

“Probably,” Russ said, handing me an apple for good measure. I started scribbling as thoughts flooded into my mind:

Chimney sweeps must get cinder block.
Lifeguards are plagued by sun block.
General contractors definitely have building blocks.
Brick layers probably get patio blocks.
And oooo—world famous chef, Emeril Lagasse, certainly develops chopping block.
Does an urban planner get city block?
If so, a woman who sews blankets must have quilting block.
Then again, it seems like a quarterback would have the worst case of all—block and tackle.
At Halloween, does a skeleton get spinal block?
There’s no doubt that joggers have stumbling block.
The manager at Sothebys has auction block.
Drivers at the Indy 500 must have engine block.
Are Olympic sprinters plagued by starting block?
And I think it’s safe to say that convicts get a cell block.
Last, but not least, there’s Russ. He’s a therapist, and I’m positive he’s got a mental block.

As I dotted the last period in the list, Russ said, “Are you done?”

Sticking my lucky pen into its lucky spot in the drawer, I replied, “Yup, and I feel much better now.”

“How come?”

“Because I’m glad to know I’m not the only block head out there.” I patted my head, pleased it was back to its regular, round shape. Then, picking up the car keys, I headed to the door.

“If you’re going out, there’s one thing you might want to get at the store,” Russ said, following me.

I stopped with my hand on the door knob. “What’s that?”

“Something to take off your mustache."


What's playing on my radio: Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue by Crystal Gayle
What's playing on my TV: Nothing
What's playing in my head: Same as what's on the radio.

This blog sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com. Please show your appreciation by returning to and browsing through the Neighborhood!

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